We dropped some big news a couple weeks ago that I am leaving full-time ministry so I can stay home with our two girls once second baby comes. We thought it would be good to write a blog and record a podcast on why we made that decision for me to leave full-time ministry and how we are able to move forward with that decision and make it a reality for our family.

First off, let’s talk about why it was such a wrestle.

The Wrestle

If you looked back on my bucket lists from when I was growing up, you would easily see that it was always a dream to do something with youth ministry. I felt very called to ministry at the young age of 12… I just didn’t think it would ever be a reality to be employed full-time to do it.

When I was in college I started this blog and came out with a book and loved doing ministry online on my own. But I never thought I’d actually work anywhere and use those gifts.

But during our first year of marriage, I was about to head out the door for work when God stopped me in my tracks. I just had this pressing that I needed to give away a very specific amount of money that I had raised from the book sales I had made in college. I had already given away half the money, so I was quite surprised to feel such a strong call to give a lot of the rest of that money away.

I just asked, “Who am I supposed to give it to?!” And God made it so clear - to our church who was going through an office remodel. I was not that excited about giving money to an office remodel, but definitely felt like I was being called to be obedient.

I told God that if it was really Him, it had to come down to the church needing the exact amount He wanted me to give. That very next Sunday our lead pastor announced that exact amount from the stage.

A couple months later we got a tour of the offices that the money helped pay for, and I really felt God press on my heart, “This is going to be your office someday.” So I looked at my husband as we were walking out and told him.

Another couples months went by and I got call from the pastor asking me to work full-time as the youth and college pastor. 

I say all that to say - it was a dream I got to live out. And I felt very called to it at one point, which made it so confusing to make the decision to go. 

But over the last couple years after becoming a mom, my desires started changing.

I realized by working with students how much impact was made AT HOME. And what it looks like for kids when that isn’t going right. I saw how kids were affected from their childhoods - and how every time someone spoke with the counselor, a question about their childhood came up. I realized how impactful that time is!

And to be honest it kind of felt like every Wednesday we were putting a bandaid on kids’ lives. They would have these awesome God moments and experiences, but then they’d go right back home to brokenness and they’d fall away. And don’t get me wrong - I believe in youth ministry and the power in it - but when I dug into the root of the issue for so many kids who struggled over and over again… it was the effects of what was happening at home. And I longed to help change that.

I also saw the effects on my daughter when I was gone. She had severe separation anxiety, and while I’m not putting the blame all on myself, I do believe that me being gone weeks at a time had an impact. And I was missing moments. I missed her first word. I missed her doing things at daycare for the first time. My heart longed for that time because youth ministry allowed me to see the value in it.

But I still struggled wrestling through it. I wondered if people would think I was lazy for quitting or that I just couldn’t handle it. And I even asked myself that. Like a gazillion times.

But I had put in the work to make the youth ministry run seamlessly. It’s not like things were going bad, and they were terribly hard. It was actually easier than ever - I had the experience and had made the changes to get it to a place I was hoping it would get. I worked to have the best leadership team we’ve ever had. I gave the vision to demo out a whole new area for our high school students. I restructured the night to focus more on small groups. I did all the work to make it the best it could be, and it was finally in that spot, yet I still felt called away from it.

That showed me that it wasn’t laziness or that I couldn’t hack it - it was just new desires and dreams, and it was okay to listen and trust that.

And to be honest, I also had to wrestle through the thought of being thought of as a quitter… especially in today’s society when people expect women to work full time. It’s almost like you’re deemed “lazy” if you don’t go out and make money.

But I finally got to the point where I realized I wasn’t taking the easy way out. I was actually choosing what was harder for me. I never had the desire to stay home with my kids. It’s never something I dreamed of. But I decided that I wanted to put in the hard work of raising our kids now - when they don’t understand and they’re brains aren’t fully developed and they slap you in the face and throw tantrums… so that we can hopefully see the fruit of that invested time and love and energy and patience later. So we don’t have a teen who’s unattached and dealing with issues we could’ve worked on before she turned 5 when 90% of her brain was being developed.

And honestly, it was like the enemy wanted me to stay in ministry. I know that sounds wild to say, but every bit of guilt, shame, and lie came when I considered staying and continuing to push through even though that’s not what me or my husband wanted.

So not only did I feel a call, but we also experienced some closed doors that made the decision that much clearer.

The Closed Doors

We had already made up our mind that I was being called away, but it was confirmed when our daycare person very unexpectedly told us she got a new job. We searched EVERYWHERE for other daycare options, but did not feel settled with our very limited options. 

We knew we’d have to find someplace for at least January-May while I finished out the school year, so we put our daughter in a daycare center, which we thought seemed like the best fit. It was not. She cried all day and was getting up multiple times a night with nightmares and night terrors. I don’t share that to scare any parent, but to just encourage any parent that if you feel something isn’t right for your child, make a change. Keeping her there did not sit well in our spirit, so we made the decision to pull her.

This was a huge closed door for us. Even if I decided to stay in ministry, we wouldn’t have a daycare option we felt good about.

Now let’s talk the opened doors.

The Opened Doors

We were already feeling that stirring and calling away. Then we got pregnant in September, and the timing of it seemed right. Baby was due in May which is when the school year ends and I planned on being done anyway.

Then we paid off all our student loan debt. Which was crazy - like over $100,000 paid off crazy. And it’s not like it was anything wild that we did. We just got a plan together, made a budget, and stuck to it. Now we’re passionate about helping others do this and will have freebies available to help you too!

Another opened door was this new desire and dream to get back to the online ministry world with this blog and podcast and social media. For a season I felt called to lay it down, and over the last year I’ve felt a strong desire to pick it back up. I believe God allowed me to see and learn things working at a church in ministry that has prepared me well for the new vision I have for Metcalf Ministries.

My greatest ministry (and impact) will always be at home, and I long to help others realize that and steward that ministry well. So many people are set up to fail - in marriage, finances, family… People are not resourced on what matters, and I long to see a change in that.

I also knew this passion wouldn’t come from a place of striving which I felt before when I was doing it in college, but rather a heart of helping. Because we don’t need the money. I don’t need a side hustle. I just want to help people where it matters, and it starts at home with a marriage that is God-honoring and healthy.

That’s why we’re planning to launch The Marriage Course this fall. We want to educate people on all the things they should've been taught about marriage but probably weren’t. Because we understand the greatest way to reflect Christ is through our marriage and through our actions as parents. And we’re way better parents when our marriage is on the right track. We believe The Marriage Course will change people’s lives in big ways and make an impact on generations to come.

And we’re so excited to see what God does with it.