10 Ways to Live an Ungrateful Life

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. And I’m sure a lot of us will be posting pictures of our family saying how grateful we are for them. But then I’m sure your little boy won’t wear the shirt you laid out. Maybe some of you will burn the beans or the turkey. Maybe your car won’t start as you make your way to the in-laws. I’m not prophesying… I’m just saying it could happen.

We may be celebrating a season of thankfulness, but I wonder how many of us will actually walk around with gratitude in our hearts this week. I wonder how many of us will face some hard things and choose ungratefulness instead.

Last weekend we took our youth to Fall Conference, and it was an absolutely incredible weekend. There were some really cool moments at Fall Conference, but a really cool moment for myself was when another pastor asked if Tyler and I had a minute to chat. And he had a word from us. He said, “I really feel like the Lord has a word for you. Friday night I felt like he was pressing the word ‘pleased’ for you. And today I feel like it’s ‘satisfied.’” And he read us the definition of the word. He said, “I don’t know if there’s any striving or any worry or any comparison in you, but I want you to know that I believe God is satisfied with you. So you should be satisfied with what you have. You can be satisfied with your youth ministry. You can be satisfied with your marriage. You can be satisfied with your life. You can be satisfied.”

And that was such a good word, because I think so many of us can live unsatisfied or ungrateful lives. And I think a lot of that has to do with the message of society telling us that there is always more. I think too often we hear people shouting from the mountaintops to do more, be better, make more money, go to all the things, post all about it! So with the world constantly showing us more, it’s easy to become ungrateful for what we have.

But I would be willing to go as far as to say that the very essence of evil is the failure to be grateful to God. If you are ungrateful to God, you aren’t going to honor Him with your life.

• Adam and Eve were ungrateful. What God gave them wasn’t enough. So they took what was never theirs in an effort to get what they thought they wanted.

• Cain was ungrateful, so he killed his brother.

• King David was ungrateful. He lusted after another man’s woman and broke half of the ten commandments.

• Abraham and Sarah were ungrateful. Even after being promised they’d have a child, they couldn’t wait any longer and had Abraham sleep with another woman just to get their desired end result.

• Israel was ungrateful. So they asked Aaron to make a golden calf.

• Judas was ungrateful. He chose worthless riches even though he was in the presence of the richest man in history.

• I could go on.

The very essence of evil is the failure to be grateful or satisfied with God. Because if you are ungrateful to God, you will seek after things and elevate them above him.

• If you’re ungrateful for what’s in your bank account, you’ll always want more in it.

• If you’re ungrateful for your spouse, you’ll look for another one.

• If you’re ungrateful for your kids, you’ll wish different seasons of their life away.

• If you’re ungrateful for your job, you’ll hate going to work every day.

• If you’re ungrateful for your church, you’ll hop around churches, never staying long enough to find true community.

• If you’re ungrateful to God, what He does and says for you will never be enough.

And even if you aren’t a follower of Jesus, what I’m going to tell you absolutely applies to you. So today I’m going to tell you the 10 best things you can do - the 10 most powerful ways - the 10 most effective things you can do to live an ungrateful life:

1. If you want to live an ungrateful life, you should keep a record of wrong.

It will never fail you. If you want to live an ungrateful life, keep a tab on all the wrongs anyone has ever done to you. 

Instead of focusing on your husband taking out the trash, keep a tally of every time he forgets to put a new bag in. My husband Tyler loves to do that. But hey, I want to live a grateful life, so I don’t keep a record :)

I try to make it a point to thank my husband every time he takes the trash out. And when he doesn’t put that bag in, I’ve learned to just silently do it myself. Because the alternative is that I’ll nag and we’ll just keep shoving garbage down and avoid taking it out. I don’t like that alternative.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “Love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

2. If you want to live an ungrateful life, you shouldn’t be a part of a church.

My husband is a big Tennessee Titans fan, so we watch a lot of football. And saying, “Well I just want to love Jesus and not be a part of a church” is like saying, “Well I want to play NFL football, but not be a part of a team.”

Or what if I went up to you and said, “Hey I like you. I just can’t stand your wife”? That’s exactly what we’re telling God when we put down the church. Every time we dismiss, demean, or complain about the church. Because we are his bride.

I’m reading the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, and I came across this line I wanted to share. “If you’re not part of a church, you’re either ignorant or arrogant.”

You can’t grow in isolation. And the number one thing God wants you to grow in is love, and you can’t do that if you don’t surround yourself with other people - even difficult people!

The church is a witness to the community that God is working and moving. Jesus said, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” The Christian life is more than just a commitment to Christ, it includes a commitment to other Christians! That’s why we were given the most important commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

And I get it - some may say “I can just watch online.” And that’s great if you physically have to. But let me ask you this - if I gave you front row seats to an NFL game, would you say, “No, I can just watch at home!”? No. No you wouldn’t.

You can have a front row seat every week in church!! It’s a totally different experience when you are physically present in a community in a church. So if you’re looking for a sign to get your butt in church, here’s your sign.

3. If you want to live an ungrateful life, you should have unrealistic expectations.

You know when I first started ministry two years ago, I would come home and get upset when kids didn’t act or respond like I wanted them to. Then I realized that sometimes kids are just squirrels. And so when I lowered my expectations and I was able to laugh at the kid farting during the message, my night went a lot better! Don’t take yourself so seriously!

And listen - it is okay to have standards. But sometimes you gotta spell those standards out, or you are setting yourself up for disappointment. During marriage counseling before we got married, Tyler and I spelled out the roles around the house that we would take on. And it has helped so much, because otherwise you’re going to build up this idea in your head, and he’s not going to know the idea you planned for yourself! Ladies, you may be able to read his mind most of the time… But he can’t read yours.

And hey this also applies to gifts - the holidays are upon us! If you want something, you gotta tell them! One year I said I wanted stuff for our garden. Tyler thought it would be a good idea to buy 99 cent seed packets and hide them around the house for me to find. From then on I started making a list with direct links to where you can buy the exact items I wanted. I’ve told Tyler - stick to the list. It won’t fail you.

In the Bible when Abraham and Sarah were told by God that they would have a child, they had the expectation that it would happen way sooner than what God had planned. So they got frustrated and Sarah had Abraham sleep with another woman. We do crazy things when we have unrealistic expectations. 

Talk to God about your unmet expectations if you’ve got them before taking matters into your own hands. Go to God before you go to ungratefulness. And God will exceed your expectations.

4. If you want to live an ungrateful life, you should stay distracted.

Just make yourself really busy to avoid the emptiness and void you have in your heart. Sign up for everything. Be overly involved. Don’t have any margin in your life. Don’t ever take a Sabbath. I guarantee you will be ungrateful. 

I absolutely hate the excuse “I’m too busy.” I just don’t buy it. You make time for the things that are important. And if you are so busy and so distracted and you don’t make time to be with yourself or God, that’s telling me that you don’t think you or God is important. That’s just the truth! The world will encourage non-stop going. But the result of that is overwhelm and burnout. God encourages you to Sabbath and rest. The result of that is peace with who you are and who God is.

And you may say, “I don’t have vacation. You don’t understand - I’ve got so much going on. I can’t stop.”

I get that. If that’s the case, then take a walk around the block at work. Take a breather in your car. The other morning I walked out into the timber behind our house after Tyler went to work, after I dropped Hazel off at daycare, before I went to work, and I stood out in nature, breathed in the fresh air, and I just talked to God. You make time for what’s important.

5. If you want to live an ungrateful life, you should mostly pray about yourself.

Sometimes I hear students say, “I’m not feeling anything. I don’t feel God.” And I say, “The good thing is that we don’t go off of our feelings. We go off of his faithfulness.” 

Deuteronomy 31:8 says “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Too many of us are consumed with how we don’t feel anything during a service, or we say worship or whatever isn’t “working.” I think a lot of the time we are looking to consume for ourselves and feel good rather than looking to help and pray for others.

We like to ruminate on our problems rather than ask God to help us be the solution.

With youth on a Wednesday night, I’ll miss a moment if I’m praying more about my feelings than I am about a student’s faith. We were at Fall Conference last week, and one of the speakers - Micah Mac was his name - said that in his youth group when he was a teen he and a buddy asked, “Who would change the whole school if they came to know Jesus?” And they picked out a popular kid and prayed for him week after week after week. And they invited him week after week, and they got turned down multiple times.

But finally, their popular friend came and gave his life to Jesus. Micah Mac could’ve just wallowed in self-pity that his youth group or school didn’t look like he wanted it to. Instead, he prayed for someone else to be that person to reach others in a mighty way.

Too many people are whining. Not enough people are working. Pray about other people.

6. If you want to live an ungrateful life, be really materialistic.

View everything as yours. Always want more. Keep buying more things. Keep putting yourself in debt. I guarantee you will be ungrateful.

Jesus taught about money in 11 of his 39 parables. Finances and possessions are Jesus' most talked about topic. Money is important because it’s a heart issue.

One guy we read about in scripture says, “Hey Jesus, I want to follow you!” And Jesus says, “Okay, go sell everything you have.” And the guy doesn’t do it. He loves materialistic things too much.

But the money you have in your wallet has no intrinsic value; it is worth what the Government says its worth. The enemy wants you to fall in love with it, so you will become a slave to money. But Matthew 6:24 says we can’t serve two masters.

You’ll never be truly grateful if you put so much weight to materialism. Now that I’m a mom, I look back on my childhood, and to me it wasn’t important if my dad had a great year of business. It didn’t matter if my mom got the promotion. What mattered was the quality time they spent with me. And your greatest ministry will be in your home. Don’t be so focused on materialism that you miss moments. Your kids don’t care about the material things as much as you think they do. Trust me as a youth pastor.

7. If you want to live an ungrateful life, don’t look back at what God has done for you.

There’s a story in the Bible that talks about 10 people with leprosy. Jesus healed all of them. But only 1 out of the 10 came back to thank God and give him praise for healing him.

There was an extra healing for this tenth leper. When Jesus said what he did (rise and go - your faith has made you well), He likely was talking about God’s work within the man’s heart. The other lepers had whole bodies, but sick hearts. I wonder how many of us are walking around with whole bodies, but sick hearts?

You can have a great life with many blessings, but if you aren’t grateful for those blessings, you’re going to miss them. Remember to look back on what God has done for you. 

8. If you want to live an ungrateful life, be cynical of other people.

Assume the worst of them. Blame other people for everything. Don’t trust anyone.

Usually cynical people have been hurt. They have a hard time trusting people. Cynicism has roots in fear and anxiety. But the dangerous thing is that what you think about the people around you is what you’ll begin to think about God. You may think you’re just being protective and logical, but really you’re building up a negative, doubtful frame of mind for yourself.

I always tell our youth leaders or other students - there is always a reason why kids are the way they are. There is always a reason why people are the way they are. You don’t know what was done to them behind closed doors. You don’t know what someone said to them an hour ago. You don’t know the thoughts that run through their brain that a parent negatively spoke over their life.

There is always a reason why people are the way they are, so ask God for a bigger perspective.

When you begin to think cynical and negative thoughts about people, you start to talk that way. We’re told in Matthew 12 and Luke 6 out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

Shut down negative talk when it begins to come out of your mouth. Tyler and I wanted to keep each other accountable a while back, so we developed a code word for any time either one of us said something negative. We used to say “Blues Clues” Why? I don’t know. But it worked. Have it be something lighthearted. If your code word is “Be quiet” you’re probably just going to get more mad. Make it fun, have accountability, and be careful about the stories you write in your mind.

9. If you want to live an ungrateful life, live offended.

This one is going to step on some toes. But I am tired of a culture playing victim. Too many people are being offended!! Just hop on Facebook! 

A lot of the time, people with a victim mentality have trauma from their past. I’m sorry if that’s you. But God’s solution to a victim mentality is to face your past and deal with it. Not sulk in it.

Jesus had every right to have a victim mentality. Yet he chose to humbly serve and joyfully suffer for those who afflicted him. What I find with people who have a victim mentality is that they magnify the harm done to them, and minimize their own sinfulness.

People are not out to get you. People are not thinking about you as much as you think that they are. 

And if you’re offended by something, do something about it. Besides getting into an argument on Facebook. It doesn’t help anybody. The way you live your life speaks louder than any status update.

10. If you want to live an ungrateful life, be entitled.

I was listening to a sermon a few weeks ago, and Nathan Finochio said, “I think we mostly see God as love.” But God is called holy over 400 times in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. He’s called love twice. But it almost seems like the reverse is true. We talk about how God is love, and so we almost paint God like he’s the desperate boyfriend. 

Like we can do whatever we want!! We can sin, we can mess up, because God will forgive us. He’ll chase after us. We can pick and choose what Scripture we want to apply to our lives.

But this guy talked about how God is first holy!! And He’s so committed to his holiness that He was willing to die for it! You are not entitled to anything!! God is not a desperate boyfriend! He is holy!! He is a king!

And you will never be grateful if you feel entitled. 2 Corinthians 5:15 says, “And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”

God owes you nothing. So get off your high horse. And maybe get on a donkey like Jesus. If you don’t see yourself in Scripture, and you only see people you’re annoyed with in Scripture, you’ve got some entitlement and pride to deal with.

When I was at Fall Conference, we had a moment to quiet ourselves, and I felt like God was saying, “I am holy. Bring me glory.” When you grasp how holy he is, and how our lives are but a vapor here and gone, it changes the way you see yourself and God in the best way.

I feel like this message is best summarized in Romans 1:21:

“Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused.” 

Don’t choose darkness and confusion for your life. Choose gratitude, and watch God change your world from the inside out.