1. Guard yourselves against making each other your god

I think this is so key to talk about right off the bat. It is possible to have God in your relationship and strong faiths, but if you put each other before God, you will feel the tension and strain in your relationship. 

Your partner cannot be the one to fix all of your problems and pain. They cannot be your primary source of joy and strength, because they will fail you. It’s inevitable. They are human. And when we place too much on our partners to carry the weight of all that we struggle with, we end up with unmet expectations and therefore disappointment. 

Instead, as individuals you must look to God first and see Him as your go-to. Seek His counsel before engaging in the conflict. Talk to Him before venting to your partner. Your partner cannot guarantee to have the solutions, but God does.

2. Serve together in a faith community

Tyler and I really started to notice our relationship changing for the better when we started to get involved in the local church. We went from spectating to participating, and it made such a difference. 

We first started attending a college ministry, which was a bonfire at a church couple’s house. We then went from attending to leading and did the same thing with the youth ministry, which I then got hired to leave.

When you choose to serve together in a faith community it puts you around other believers who think the same as you and push you to be better. It also takes the focus off of you as a couple and helps you to see a bigger picture of how you can help meet the needs of the world together.

3. Establish healthy routines

Tyler and I used to do a much better job of praying with each other before bed, but a little baby girl changed that, as one of us now tends to pass out before the other haha. But we still have systems and routines that set us up to outwardly express worship together.

We prioritize a meal together every night where we pray and thank God for our food and family. We also talk about the best parts of our day to create a habit of reflecting on the good. I’ve written to God about every day of my life since I was 12 and have a habit of doing that each night before I go to sleep. Small routines like this matter, and they help you stay consistent as a couple.

4. Be mindful of what you let in

Tyler and I are way more mindful of this now than when we started dating, as we realize and have seen the effects that social media, music, TV shows, etc. have on our beliefs and thought patterns. There were sooooo many songs and movies that we grew up watching that we didn’t realize were absolute trash and did not help us grow a healthy mindset around certain things.

So set boundaries as a couple. Unfollow some social media accounts that don’t add good value. Don’t watch R-rated shows as a couple. Stop listening to secular music if it doesn’t lead you well. At least in our experience, the more we grow closer to God, the more we don’t desire any of those things.

Be careful what you let in, because what comes in goes out.

5. Talk about what you’re reading

It’s great if you are reading the same passage or book or whatever together, but really the important thing is just talking to each other about what you’re reading. Let your partner know what you’re studying, and they can help keep you accountable.

Tyler and I went through a baby devotional together after we had Hazel, which was so, so helpful and life-giving. Maybe try out a couple’s devotional or just pick a book of the Bible to read through together. No matter what it is, just communicate.

I have a Bible Study Journal Guide you could easily do together as a couple if you want to check it out!

6. Express how God is teaching/challenging you right now

When you’re talking about things you both are reading, maybe also take some time to check in and ask each other deeper questions. Here are some examples you could literally ask every week!

• How are you being stretched/grown right now?

• What are you struggling with today?

• What are you learning about God and yourself in this season?

Actively listen to one another and have a genuine care for what one another is saying. Sometimes just feeling like we’re being heard can make such a difference.

7. Give each other space and time away

Having spiritual disciplines together as a couple is amazing, but you also need to make sure to give each other time and space to do the things that fill up your spiritual tank separately.

For example, Tyler makes it a priority to give me 20-30 minutes in the morning to go on a prayer walk so I can clear my head, move my body, and start the day right. He fixes up breakfast for Hazel and gets her fed while I spend some time talking to Jesus.

I return the favor lots of times in the morning when Hazel gets up and he’s still reading the Word. I play with her while he has some space.

Tyler also knows my routine at the end of the day when I write to our daughter and to God. He gives me time for that because he knows how important it is to me.

8. Get off your phones (especially at night)

Tyler and I have especially been convicted of this lately. It is amazing what happens when you set down the phones at the end of the day and instead talk to each other. Look into each other’s eyes. Ask silly questions. Get out your Bibles or journals. You will feel more connected and intimate when you set down the distractions and make time for each other and God.

This should also be an accountability thing. I’ve started to ask the question, “Do you want to be on your phone right now?” when I feel like Tyler’s been on it and probably wants to get off. I don’t ask it coming from a place of accusation or blame. I simply ask the question to provide accountability and get him thinking about what he really wants to be doing in that moment.

9. Model Christ-likeness to one another

You will both have a desire to make Christ the center of your relationship when you are modeling who He is day in and day out. Draw each other towards Jesus by humbling yourselves, showcasing the fruits of the Spirit, dying and sacrificing for each other, serving each other well, etc.

Do the small things that make a big difference. Hear each other out. Extend empathy. Build each other up. Do the things that Jesus did for each other. You will both want to grow in Christ if the other is showcasing who He is.

10. Reflect on the past and express gratitude for God together

Talk about the things you used to pray for that God has answered! It’s so easy to get caught up in the next ask, but try to reminisce together and realize where God has brought you.

Start saying things like:

• “Praise God.”

• “Only God.”

• “God is so good.”

• “Thank you, Jesus.”

We so often see all we don’t have and miss out on what we do. So put stuff on paper. Write down His blessings. Eventually Tyler and I will really dive into some topics on finances to help you, but the other day I actually put down on paper how financially we have been blessed with paying off debt, having kids, updating our house, etc. - and it really doesn’t make sense. All we can say is, “Only God.”

Obviously life isn’t about material things, but there’s nothing wrong with celebrating where God has brought you and the blessings you have that you used to pray for.

11. Surround yourself with other godly couples

This tip is so huge, but it’s definitely a difficult one. Community is something that so many people in their 20s struggle with, and that is completely normal. 

Our community of godly couples didn’t really happen by us forcing anything or really even seeking it out. We simply showed up at our local church, served, got to know people, and started blessing them. We’d offer meals to couples our age having babies. We’d workout with other couples. We’d extend our time and chat when they needed it. We sent encouraging texts after big life events or challenges.

We didn’t do it to see a return, but there definitely has been one. If you want to make a friend, be a friend.

12. Pray for each other

I alluded to my prayer walks earlier, which is where I spend a lot of my time praying for my husband. I pray about our marriage, our family, his job, the weight that he carries as husband and dad. And I thank God for who my husband is. I literally list out the qualities that I love about him and express gratitude for them, which gets me to focus on all that my husband provides and does for me and our family. Because the reality is if you’re not praying for your partner, who is?

Lastly, I pray for our future. I pray for where we want to go as a couple. I pray for our marriage to continue to strengthen. I pray for us as parents. I pray that we model who Jesus is together. 

If this list seems overwhelming, just start with one. All these definitely won’t happen overnight, and some will be easier than others. But little by little as you take the small steps to pursue Christ together, you will find yourselves standing on a firm foundation of faith.