5 Things We've Had to Work On In Our Marriage

Being married to my best friend has been such an amazing, beautiful thing!

We have loved beginning our life together, establishing our home, and finding new ways to love one another. But of course, while marriage is a wonderful thing, it can also come with some challenges, so we wanted to share five things we’ve had to work on in our marriage in hopes that they will help and inspire you!

So without further ado, here are five things we’ve had to work on in our marriage:

1. Not fixating on the small things.

Sometimes we can get caught up in the small things that one of us says or does and then blow it up to make it a bigger deal than it actually is. 

An example of this is how we do laundry. Tyler likes to take out all his dri-FIT shirts about halfway through the drying cycle. I’ve never done that and often forget. At times, I could tell it frustrated him, so I had to work on making it a priority (I still sometimes fail to do so), but trying to consider his way of doing things means a lot!

Tyler and I tried to think of more examples of this, as we know we’ve gotten annoyed over very minuscule things… but honestly, we could not think any more. Which goes to show how small these things are!

Sometimes you just have to shut your mouth and pick your battles!

2. Considering each other’s different way of doing things.

Your upbringings really comes out when you’re married. The differences on how you were raised can really come to light when you’re living in the same space!

For example, whenever I’m upset about something, I want to internalize it and not talk about it until I’m ready. I was raised that way - we didn’t have to talk through everything if there was a problem. You’d cool off, let it go, and move on.

Tyler, on the other hand, loves talking through any problems immediately. No matter where we are. I mean even in the middle of the grocery store. Which can be frustrating. BUT! I have to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that he is passionate about working through the issues that come up… even if he handles them differently than I would.

That difference also comes out in the ordinary day to day. I’m a very independent person who tries to solve problems on my own. I don’t like to ask for help. But Tyler likes to ask questions, so sometimes I can get frustrated and just want to say, “Figure it out!!!” But I have to respect that he handles things differently than me, and that is totally okay. 

3. Finding ways to make God the center of our marriage.

Luckily, this is something we worked on from the start. We’ve made a habit of praying before meals, before bed, and stopping one another and praying when we can tell one of us is bothered by something.

We’ve also done a good job at checking in with one another and seeing how we’ve been with our faith. We can tell when one of us hasn’t been in the Word or has been a little off track, and we call each other out. We also continue to surround ourselves with people who can encourage us in our faith, and we stay involved with opportunities that bring us closer to God. I always prayed for someone who would make me better and challenge me to grow closer to God - it’s amazing to have that partner!

4. Managing expectations.

Okay, so this one is primarily on my end. I am a dreamer and an achiever… and I’m a strategist, so I can tend to quickly develop a vision of how I want things to play out. But when I say or do something that excites me and I don’t get the response I was looking for, I can get grumpy. And annoyed. And frustrated.

You can imagine how Tyler feels then. I’m definitely still working on this, but it’s been important for me to take a step back and not demand and expect so much. Tyler is not a mind-reader, and he doesn’t have all the answers I want as soon as I ask. I’ve had to work on being appreciative for his listening ears and the response he does give… even if it isn’t exactly what I was looking for.

5. Saying sorry.

I am very stubborn. Tyler can be too, but he’s a whole lot better at saying sorry and admitting he’s wrong than I am. Sometimes we can have a frustrating moment where emotions run high and “sorry” just won’t cut it. Sometimes we need to go beyond that.

Tyler does a great job of this. For example, the other night, we were both a little annoyed at each other. I left the room to go brush my teeth. After a couple of moments he came in as well, but instead of saying sorry, he started off by thanking me for all that I did that day. It made me feel appreciated, loved, and forgiven.

Sometimes saying sorry doesn’t mean saying, “I’m sorry.” It means finding ways to let each other know we are loved and valued.

Ty and I have a lot more to learn and work on, but we hope you can apply these five things to your relationships as well. It doesn’t matter if you’re married, engaged, dating, or single. It’s best to start working on these things in your day to day so that your relationships can be filled with love, joy, peace, and most importantly, God.