Choosing Grace Over Guilt
If you're anything like me, you’ve probably been no stranger to guilt. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the type of person who would stress over small stuff and feel guilty about them. I’m far from perfect and mastering the concept of choosing grace over guilt, but I have been learning how to do a better job of it - so let’s chat to help you do the same!
The Problem with Guilt
Guilt is a heavy burden to carry, especially when it comes to motherhood. As moms, we often feel as though we’re never doing enough—our houses are messy, we’re too tired, our patience is thin, and our minds are scattered. It’s easy to start thinking, I’m not a good enough mom, or I was so dumb for saying that.
But here’s the thing: No one operates at their best when they’re operating out of guilt. When we carry guilt, we’re more likely to lash out at our kids, withdraw from our families, or shut down emotionally. Guilt distorts our view of ourselves and keeps us stuck in a cycle of self-criticism.
In fact, many of the thoughts that fuel our guilt are actually lies we believe about ourselves—lies that hold us back from stepping into grace. Here are a few common ones:
My house is never clean.
I’m lazy.
My family doesn’t get the best of me.
I’m a bad mom.
These thoughts may feel true in the moment, but they’re not. They’re distortions that we’ve accepted without questioning them.
Recognize the Lie
So, how do we move from guilt to grace? The first step is to identify the lies we’re believing.
Ask yourself: What’s the lie I keep telling myself? Is it a generalization—words like “always” or “never” can be red flags. Maybe you’ve been telling yourself, I’m always falling short, or I never get it right.
Once you identify the lie, ask yourself why it’s there. Why does this lie keep popping up? Is it tied to past hurt, unrealistic expectations, comparison, insecurity, or something someone once said that’s stuck with you?
Here’s the key: Recognize that these lies aren’t serving you. They’re holding you back from the grace you need to extend to yourself.
Replacing Lies with Truth
After identifying the lie, it’s time to replace it with truth. Go back to the thought you’ve been holding on to and ask yourself, What’s the truth that counters this?
For example:
Lie: My house is never clean.
Truth: The house may be a little messy right now, but I chose presence over perfection today, and that’s okay.
Lie: I’m not a good enough mom.
Truth: I showed up for my kids today. I made sure they were fed, loved, and cared for, and that’s enough.
Lie: I’m lazy.
Truth: I took a moment to rest because I know I need to recharge to be my best self.
If you’re struggling to come up with truth statements, ask yourself, What would I say to my daughter if she said this about herself? The same compassion you would extend to her is the grace you need to give yourself.
Use Gratitude as a Tool
One of the most powerful tools in shifting from guilt to grace is gratitude. When we’re caught up in guilt, we tend to focus on what we didn’t do right or what’s lacking. But gratitude helps us turn our attention to what’s good, even in imperfect moments.
Consider these gratitude statements:
I’m grateful I don’t have to be perfect to be a good mom, wife, or follower of Jesus.
I’m grateful for the chance to try again tomorrow.
I’m grateful for the lessons I’m learning through my mistakes.
Let Go of What You Can’t Control
Finally, ask yourself: What can I control, and what can I let go of? Guilt often arises when we focus on things we can’t change—past mistakes, other people’s opinions, or circumstances outside of our control. Instead of ruminating on these, try praying for peace and acceptance of what you cannot control. This will free up emotional space to focus on what you can change, like your mindset or your actions moving forward.
I hope this post encourages you to step into grace instead of guilt. For more insights into how to better understand yourself and your relationships, be sure to check out The Marriage Course. You're not alone on this journey—grace is available to you today.