What Ministry Taught Us About Marriage & Parenting
Marriage and parenting are both incredibly sacred callings, but they can also be some of the most challenging roles we’ll ever play. As a couple serving in ministry for a few years, my husband and I have learned countless lessons, some from Scripture and some from personal experience. Through the highs and lows, the triumphs and failures, we’ve come to realize that God’s design for marriage and parenting is not just practical—it’s deeply spiritual. Our marriage and parenting journey has been shaped by God’s love, sacrifice, and covenant, and it is His wisdom that we strive to embody in our roles as both spouses and parents. Here are some of the most significant lessons we’ve learned along the way.
Marriage as a Reflection of God’s Covenant
One of the most profound lessons we’ve learned is that marriage is a holy, sanctifying institution. The Bible teaches that marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and His church—this is no small thing. God calls us His bride, and He created marriage to represent the love, sacrifice, and covenant He displays toward us. Ephesians 5:25-27 paints this beautiful picture of Christ’s sacrificial love for the church, and it’s a love that we are called to mirror in our marriages.
Marriage is not just a partnership; it’s a sacred covenant. When we fail to live up to that covenant, the effects ripple outward. Divorce, for example, is a devastating event that impacts not only the couple involved but also their children, extended families, and communities. It’s no surprise that God designed marriage to be a stabilizing force in the family unit. When that bond is broken, the fallout is profound because it strikes at the heart of the family’s foundation.
The Role of Parents: God’s Delegated Authority
Another crucial insight we’ve gained is that children see their parents as a reflection of God’s authority. God has entrusted parents with power—His power, in a sense—to guide and shape the lives of their children. What children believe about their parents, they tend to believe about God. This truth has profound implications for how we interact with our children. As parents, we must recognize that we are not just in a parental role—we are, in a very real way, God’s representatives in our children’s lives.
We also learned that parents should take an interest in their children, getting to know them deeply rather than simply trying to control them. Children, like adults, are complex individuals with their own personalities, struggles, and strengths. We can’t expect them to thrive if we’re not willing to understand them. We must take the time to study them, to listen to them, and to focus on building relationships based on trust and understanding.
Communication: Ask More Questions, Lead With Love
One principle we’ve tried to carry into both our marriage and our parenting is the idea of being genuinely interested in others. In the Gospels, Jesus is asked 183 questions. Yet, He only answers three of them directly. Do you know how many questions He asks? A staggering 307! Jesus modeled the importance of asking questions, not to gain information, but to engage with people and understand them more deeply.
We have found this same approach invaluable in both marriage and parenting. Instead of constantly telling our children (or each other) what to do, we’ve learned the value of asking questions, of truly listening, and of learning about the heart behind actions. By showing interest in our kids’ lives, we teach them that their thoughts and feelings matter.
Similarly, in marriage, this means getting on the same team to address problems. It’s easy to fall into the trap of viewing your spouse as the enemy in a disagreement. But we’ve learned that it’s not you vs. your partner; it’s the two of you vs. the problem. When we approach conflicts with this mindset, it becomes easier to resolve issues together.
Confidence in Parenting: Leading From a Place of Security
Parents can often feel insecure, especially when their children begin to make choices that seem to go against everything they’ve taught them. But here’s the thing we’ve learned: Our kids don’t need us to lead from a place of insecurity. They need us to lead from a place of confidence and love.
Even the best parents can’t shield their children from every mistake or hardship. We see this in the story of Adam and Eve. Even though they had the perfect Father, they still chose to sin. Our kids, despite our best efforts, will make mistakes. They might form wrong relationships, follow the wrong crowd, or even be influenced by voices outside the home.
When our kids stumble, our role as parents is not to panic or become consumed by self-blame. Instead, we need to handle their failures with grace, as God did in the Garden. After Adam and Eve sinned, God didn’t play the blame game. He didn’t make it all about Himself. He sought them out, asked questions, allowed them to face the consequences of their choices, and then clothed them, providing for their new needs.
This is a model for us as parents. We must be present for our children, seek them out when they’re struggling, and respond with both truth and love. We need to address the consequences of their actions, but we also need to love them in a way that meets their new needs—just as God did for Adam and Eve.
Encouraging the Heart: True Success is About Purpose, Not Performance
One of the most significant lessons we've learned is about the true measure of success. Performance doesn’t equal purpose. We live in a culture that places immense value on achievements, accolades, and appearances. But Jesus didn’t chase popularity or prominence. He cared about the heart. In our home, we try to teach our kids that their value isn’t tied to how well they perform. A good performance does not necessarily reflect a good heart or a God-given purpose.
We’ve also had to learn to let our kids fail—and to let them be kids. Sometimes, as parents, we get frustrated when our children mimic our behaviors, both the good and the bad. But the truth is, they are learning by watching us. So, we must be intentional about modeling the qualities we want to see in them. If we want our kids to exhibit kindness, patience, and humility, then we must live those values out ourselves. We can’t ask our children to do what we are unwilling to do ourselves.
Words of Life: The Power of What We Speak
Another lesson we’ve learned, and one that we’ve taken to heart in both marriage and parenting, is the power of words. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that the tongue has the power of life and death—and we will eat the fruit of the words we speak. This is true in our marriages, as well. The way we speak to our spouses shapes our relationship. The way we speak to our children shapes their understanding of themselves and their world.
In our home, we strive to speak words of life. Ephesians 4:29 tells us to "only let what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." In marriage, this means encouraging our spouse and speaking life into them. In parenting, it means calling out the potential in our children, even when it seems hidden beneath their mistakes or failures. We believe every child has the potential to thrive, and as parents, we have the opportunity to speak into their lives and draw out that potential.
Parenting and Community: We Aren’t Meant to Do This Alone
Finally, one of the most humbling realizations we’ve had is that parenting can feel incredibly isolating. Many parents struggle to ask for help when things get tough. But raising children isn’t meant to be a solo venture. We need community. Our kids need the influence of others who will speak truth into their lives. By the time they reach their teenage years, they begin to seek independence and form their own ideas about who they are. This is why it’s crucial to expose them to truth—through church, mentors, and other godly influences—so that they have a foundation to rely on when they face challenges.
Conclusion
Through ministry and the experiences that come with it, we’ve learned that marriage and parenting are intertwined with our relationship with God. They both reflect His love, His authority, and His plan for us. We don’t have all the answers, but we know that through prayer, intentionality, and a commitment to following His example, we can honor God in our marriages and in our parenting. Ultimately, it’s about seeking to reflect God’s love, grace, and wisdom in every area of our lives.