The Red Ribbon: A Simple Parenting Shift That Changed Everything

Last week in our house was rough.

Our 3-year-old has been having a hard time adjusting to her little sister learning to walk and, naturally, getting into everything. Especially her toys.

It’s been building for a while, but last week it all came to a head. Tiredness, emotions, and frustration filled our home—hers, mine, everyone’s. The kind of week where nothing seems to work and everything feels harder than it should.

I found myself saying the same things on repeat:

• “You have to learn how to share with your sister.”

• “No, she had it first.”

• “Stop it. Let her have it!”

None of it helped. She wasn’t listening—not because she was being defiant, but because something deeper was happening in her heart.

The Realization

One night after a particularly rough day, I laid in bed reflecting on all the things I had said and tried… and I started to see something I didn’t want to admit:

The way I was correcting her was actually hurting her.

She wasn’t just struggling with behavior—she was struggling with feeling seen. I thought I was being helpful. I thought I was being fair. But to her, all she heard was, “You’re the problem.”

That realization stung.

I thought about how often we tell her, “We’re for you. We want the best for you. In this family, we fight for each other, not against each other.”

And then I asked myself: Was I actually showing her that? Or just saying it?

The Repair

So I tried something different.

The next morning, I sat her down and said,

“We’ve been having a hard time lately, haven’t we? It’s tough being a big sister. I get that—I’m a big sister too. And I’ve been thinking. I have an idea.”

I told her we could go out that day and buy some red ribbon—her favorite color. I explained that she could choose a few special toys, and we’d tie the red ribbon around them to mark them as just hers. Toys her little sister wouldn’t touch. Ones she could keep in a special place, just for her.

Her face lit up.

The Red Ribbon

We went to the store, picked out the ribbon, and came home. She chose one toy and tied the red ribbon around it carefully. That was all she said she needed.

And you know what? Her entire attitude changed.

She stood taller. She smiled more. She stayed asleep peacefully that night. It was like something in her clicked.

Later that day, I watched in awe as she picked up that red-ribboned toy—the one that was just for her—and offered it to her little sister.

I asked her gently, “What made it easier to share today?”

She looked up at me without hesitation and said, “The red ribbon.”

The Reminder

I think about how often we as adults also just want to feel seen. How we, too, sometimes lash out or shut down—not because we’re being difficult, but because something inside of us is hurting, or overwhelmed, or feeling invisible.

Sometimes what our children (and we) need isn’t more instruction. It’s more connection. A small gesture that says, “I see you. I get it. I’m on your side.”

That day, for us, it looked like a piece of red ribbon. The red ribbon didn’t just solve a behavior issue. It built a bridge.

It reminded me that parenting is not about winning battles. It’s about fighting with our kids—for their hearts, their sense of safety, their belonging.

And when the red ribbon doesn’t work anymore? We’ll get creative again. Because that’s the joyful, sacred pursuit of showing our kids we’ll always love & fight for them.

So maybe your kid isn’t bad. Maybe they’re not trying to be difficult. Maybe they’re not trying to make your life hard. 

Maybe you just need some red ribbon.