What to Do When You Fail as a Parent

Notice I didn’t say if you fail in the title of this blog. It’s when. Because the truth is, we will never be perfect parents.

In fact, just the other day I failed. I raised my voice more times than I wanted to. I lost my patience instead of keeping calm. I got so frustrated I felt like losing it. Do I want to admit that? No. Would I love to act like the perfect mom? Absolutely. But I’m not. And neither is anyone else.

But here’s the good news: God never asked me to be the perfect mom. He didn’t tell me I had to get it right every single time. In fact, He knew I wouldn’t. He knew I would fail. That’s why He sent His Son—to redeem and restore what was broken inside of me. And you.

Now, does this give me an excuse to stop bearing the fruits of the Holy Spirit and be the worst mom ever? No. But does it offer me grace and mercy in the moments I get it horribly wrong? Yes.

So when you fail (because you will), here are some things to do:

1. Stop Comparing Yourself

That parent who always seems to have it together? The one with the Pinterest-perfect life and kids who never act up? They fail too. They just don’t post about it.

Comparing yourself to someone else’s polished exterior isn’t fair—because you’re comparing your real, messy life to their highlight reel. And comparison will either puff you up with pride or tear you down with insecurity. Neither is helpful.

2. Avoid “Never” and “Always” Statements

"They never sleep."
"They always whine."
"I always mess up."
"I never do anything right."

See how easy it is to slip into extremes? But when we do this, we trap ourselves in a negative mentality that only sees what’s wrong. Instead of always assuming the worst, try shifting your language.

"They’ve had some rough nights, but we’ll get through it."
"They’ve been whining a lot today, maybe they need connection."
"I messed up, but I’m learning and growing too."

Your words shape your reality, so be mindful of the ones you use.

3. Own Up to Your Mistakes

Apologize to your kids. Yep, even when they’re little. Let them see you admit when you’re wrong.

"I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I was frustrated, but that wasn’t the right way to handle it. Will you forgive me?"

You’re not just asking for forgiveness—you’re modeling what it looks like to take responsibility, seek reconciliation, and extend grace.

4. Ask the Lord to Help You

It’s good for your kids to see you pray, especially in the hard moments.

When you feel your temperature rising—when your patience is thin—audibly ask God for help.

"Lord, I need Your peace right now. I feel frustrated, but I want to respond with gentleness."

This teaches your children that we don’t have to rely on our own strength—we can run to Jesus instead.

5. Seek Out Godly Wisdom

There’s nothing new under the sun. The struggles you’re facing? Other moms have walked through them too.

So reach out to someone who has gone before you. A mentor. A friend. Someone with godly wisdom who can remind you that you’re not alone. The enemy wants you to believe that no one else struggles like you do—that you’re failing in ways no one else has. But that’s a lie.

Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s strength. It’s humility. It’s a willingness to lay down your pride and admit that someone else has something to offer you.

6. Lean Into the Process, Not the Destination

Motherhood is sanctifying. But sanctification is a journey, not a destination. We will always be a work in progress. And that’s okay. Because grace meets us right here.

And here’s the crazy part—despite my failings, my kids still love me. They still want me. They still forgive me.

What’s even crazier? God does the same thing.

His mercy is on display in our kids every single day. His mercy is available every single day. But we have to accept that mercy.

And as much as we’d love to arrive as parents—to finally get it right—we won’t. There will always be new struggles, new challenges, new lessons to learn.

I remember hearing a parent stress about their child’s eating habits and telling them, "If it’s not one thing, it’s another. If it’s not eating, it’s sleeping. If it’s not sleeping, it’s potty training."

Our oldest was a bad sleeper her entire first year and beyond. Our youngest never took a bottle or baby food. But guess what? We got through it. It all passes. They go through phases. They change. Seasons change. Despite how it feels, it really won’t last forever.

7. Stop Beating Yourself Up

At some point, you have to let it go. Let the mistake go. Let the past be the past.

Accept the grace and mercy God extends to you. He knew you’d mess up, which is why He sent Jesus in the first place.

We will fail. Over and over again. But the good news? We get to show our kids where to turn when we do.

We get to reflect Jesus, but we will never be Jesus. And that’s okay. Because the best thing we can do as parents isn’t to be perfect—it’s to teach our children to run to the One who is.